Write a fantastical account of the making of peanut butter. (It should bear no resemblance to the actual process of making peanut butter.)
— WritingPrompt.Com (@DailyPrompt) May 19, 2016
writing time: 10min
Have you ever asked yourself how peanut butter is made? You might have the idea that actual peanuts are used. Well, not quite. Peanut butter is not made from real peanuts. I mean, why would you want to make butter out of peanuts in the first place? Peanuts are yummy and crunchy as they are, why would you want to squish them into a brownish mush? Peanut butter is actually made from red cabbage. It’s way cheaper to grow cabbage and no one really likes cabbage as it is.
So how do you make peanut butter? You take the cabbage, wash it, pluck the leaves and grind them in a blender. Of course, you have to get rid of the purple color. Who would eat purple peanut butter? So you put organic bleach into the mush and place it in the sun. After some time it will become lighter in color. But it will also begin to smell. Awfully. You have to get rid of the smell because no one would want to eat peanut butter that smells like rotten cabbage. So you add some soy sauce, sugar, vanilla and E numbers 110- 253 to the smelly mixture. Stir and let sit for some more days. E42 will also adjust the color a little more. If you want to have crunchy peanut butter, add some real peanuts. Put in a jar and you are good to go.
You ask why it is called peanut butter when it doesn’t really contain peanuts? Well, would you buy cabbage butter? No? See!